Quentin Tarantino is right. Child stars, as fun as they are, are risky business. Sure, the recipe isn't too difficult. (Check out "How to Create Your Own Miley Cyrus.") They're cute and pack the perfect personalities. There's just one down side, they have invisible expiration dates. Once a child star begins to experience puberty and no longer possess the squeaky high-pitched voices we grow to know and love, we look to other child stars to fill their soon-to-be vacant spots.
So here's my theory.The meltdown doesn't happen overnight. There are distinct, stages each star completes on the way down to the meltdown. It starts with what happens to most kids...
Stage One: Get typecasted. It all starts here. You could be the cute-smart ass. (See Gary Colemen.) You could be the dork (See Anthony Michael Hall). You get my point. It helps to have a catch-phrase. You get a tv series. The living's good. And suddenly, it's wrap party time and you're a one-trick pony. The gravy train slows.
Stage Two: Product pitchman! The child star has tried landing roles playing diverse characters and with no luck. They find themselves out of the job and behind on bills, what to do? As Seen On TV commercials! What could be better for an inventor that has just put together a contraption that can lift up remote controls without moving an inch? Getting a former star is the topping on their cake and for the fallen child star, a little change in their pockets
Stage Three: Substance abuse. The list is too long. But it's a crucial part of the overall meltdown. iThis is the stage where you re-gain notoriety for all of the wrong reasons.
Stage Four: Become a punchline. Busted by the police for drugs or snapped in public looking a mess, the only way to go is to become material for stand-up comedians. It's hard to write good stand-up. In this stage you become a crucial part of the entertainment ecosystem. Do your part!
Stage Five: Reality TV. It's the beacon of light at the end of the tunnel. Granted, it's not the scripted dramas they are accustomed to; being able to get their names out there once again is payment enough.
Stage Six: Very Public Rehab. Everyone loves a redemption story. It's your turn to add to the pile. Enter 'Promises' to dry out and get sober. Then return "off drugs and high on life!"
Stage Seven: Attempt Comeback. Call it a comeback. Hype the heck out of it.
Repeat steps 2 - 7 until age, an untimely death or obscurity work their magic.
These are the stages of the child star meltdown. :) Enjoy!
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